It seems as though nowadays there's always a new trend in parenting. "Tiger Moms", "Helicopter Parents", "Snowplow Parents", "Free-Range Parents", "Feral Parents", "Attachment Parenting", "Child-Led Parenting", and the list goes on and on. While there have been different ideas, styles, and attitudes towards parenting since the dawn of time, it's never been quite as difficult to be a parent as it is today. 

Part of the modern parenting struggle comes from the fact that while it used to be seen as appropriate for parents to have different styles, we now have reality shows that pit parents and their parenting choices against one another in a battle for dominance and social superiority. 

This is made obvious through a new reality

TV show in which, according to The Atlantic magazine*, "... follows 12 families... Each family is filmed doing a series of parenting challenges, and the rest of the parents analyze the footage, voting one style out after every round. In the finale, the families choose one parenting style to rule them all."

Families in the CMHRC community reacted strongly to this new show. One mom told us, "I am screaming inside because it feels so unfair. I catch myself thinking, let’s see how all of the parenting styles hold up to a mood disorder meltdown." Another parent summed it all up simply with the comment, this show "sounds awful!"

CMHRC Clinical Coordinator, Jennifer Sevick explained what was at the root of everyone's distress, "The concern about reality television shows and parenting is that it shows only one type of kid, mostly a neurotypical one. They don’t have a challenge of how to get a child with sensory sensitivities prepared for a nasal spray medication. They don’t have challenges of a kid that is going through cancer and has to get huge needles in them every other week for chemo."

Executive Director, Elizabeth Errico, added, "TV shows like this encourage judgement and essentially turn parenting a spectator sport. Worse, they reinforce unrealistic perceptions that these parenting styles will work for everyone when they really won't, especially not for kids with mental health issues." 

Add to all of this a recent study out of the University of Maine that addresses the grief of parents of children with serious mental illness* which "highlights the pervasive strains and stigma associated with loving and caring for a child who suffers from serious mental illness. For these parents in particular, they are... mothers and fathers in mourning... [who have] expressed grief and loss similar to that of parents whose children have died, though parents of children with serious mental illness... lack the closure and community support that often comes with the loss of a child."

The combination of mental illness, emotional isolation, unrealistic societal expectations, and grief can be overwhelming for families. This intersection creates additional pain and suffering that damages family life and the quality of life for children and their parents. 

But within the CMHRC community of families, staff, and volunteers a new philosophy of parenting has emerged and taken root. It's called Palliative Parenting and it's designed to support both the child being parented as well as the parents doing the work of parenting. 

Some people are confused by this term because they think the word palliative only refers to the end of life, but it doesn't. The word palliate means, 'to ease symptoms or moderate intensity.'* Mom, Stefanie, explains, "People often think of 'palliative' as being about death, but it isn't. It's not about end of life it's about quality of life. Parenting your child this way improves yours and your child's quality of life."

Volunteer, Anne, shared that for her it's about "being the parent my child needs to minimize their emotional pain and live up to their capacities. We parent the whole child and make decisions that give them the best quality of life." Mom, Danielle, gets even more fundamental and says, "It's about being the parent that you would want if you were in your child's shoes."

The philosophy of Palliative Parenting has been developed by CMHRC mental health professionals with a focus on improving quality of life for ourselves and our children, both in the moment and in the future. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Lisa, explains, "It can be as simple as doing what's needed for your child in the moment, rather than what any outside expectations are." Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Elizabeth, says, "Many parents have spent their whole parenting lives trying to fit themselves and their children into the expectations of others. Palliative Parenting puts the focus back on what the child actually needs to thrive, which is a parent who is in the moment with them, helping them through their struggle, showing kindness, empathy, and acceptance." 

Mom, Jana, tells us that one of the great things about the Palliative Parenting philosophy is that "no matter how you define your parenting style, Palliative Parenting can work for you because it's not so much about how you parent but about how you think about being a parent. It's a framework that releases parents from the psychological prison of thinking there's one way to be a parent." It's a framework that anyone can use and can start improving quality of life immediately. 

In two weeks CMHRC Executive Director Elizabeth Errico, Clinical Coordinator Jennifer Sevick, and Parent Liaison Lisa LeMay will be live discussing, explaining, and expanding on this transformational new parenting philosophy. Join them as they answer questions and share stories and the positive impacts Palliative Parenting has had on the quality of their and their children's lives. 

WEDNESDAY WEBINARS

"Palliative Parenting" a New Concept in Parenting Philosophy

April 19th, 7:30pm Eastern Time

“Palliate: To ease symptoms or moderate intensity."

Are you ready to put more love, acceptance, and empathy into your family life and/or to promote it with your patients? Then this

webinar is for you! We're welcoming both families and mental health practitioners to come learn more about this new approach to parenting children and teens both with and without mental health struggles. 

GIVING CORNER

Get ready, because our first spring fundraiser is about to start! All throughout May we'll be celebrating Children's Mental Health Awareness Month.

We all know that it takes a village to successfully thrive while living with mental 

illness. You are an essential part of that village, and your contributions to CMHRC create positive change in the lives of children and families. Best of all the impact of your gift doesn't take months or years to appear, our work helps children and families right away. 

So plan your gift now to make our first ever Children's Mental Health Awareness Month fundraiser a success. Or get a jump on things and make a gift today!

*Articles quoted: 

1. The Parent Test Stokes American Parenting's Worst Impulses (February 22nd, 2023 - The Atlantic)
2. UMaine Study Illuminates grief of Parents of Children with Serious Mental Illness (February 1st, 2023 - University of Maine Website)
3. Merriam Webster Dictionary Online

You can find more of what we're reading, watching, and listening to on the CMHRC website's "Read, Watch, Listen" page. 

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